The grass is NOT greener: My trial run as a working mom

The grass is not greener: My trial run as a working mom. #twins #SAHM #workingmoms

Hats off to the working moms! It’s a lot harder than I expected. I thought that I wanted to return to my career after a two-year maternity break, but I’m learning more each day that I’m not quite ready.

I am in a unique position. I have been blessed with the choice to either work or stay home with my twins. For the past two years, I have chosen to stay home, but recently I have been feeling a pull toward returning to work. After a few interviews for some great jobs, things just weren’t panning out. I wasn’t being offered the jobs I applied for, but rather different jobs within those organizations. I guess that’s a good thing- they liked me, but felt I didn’t have enough experience in some areas, yet still wanted to hire me. But I knew that I wouldn’t be happy settling for a job that I didn’t 100 percent love, so I chose to pass.

And while I continued to job search for the right fit, I went back to work at my previous office, before taking maternity leave, to help with a special project. It’s temporary, and I can work from home when I have the time or I can go into the office. I’ve done both. And let me tell you, that week that our days were get up, go straight to preschool/work, leave work, go to straight to pick up kids, make dinner, put kids to bed… was the HARDEST week of my life. All of that on top of also continuing my online grad school work at GWU. I have learned real quick that I just am not ready for a full-time job outside of our home.

And I am glad that I learned this now because the perfect job opportunity did come along last week. It took about a month and half to find the right fit, and I was this close to returning to work. However, I had to take a step back and really consider what I wanted. I know my limits, and I feared that I would get a few months into the job and realize that I wanted to be back at home, and then feel trapped. I am lucky that the person who was doing the hiring is someone I have built a rapport with. In fact, in the future there may be room for me on the team. I’m grateful for that.

Surprisingly, I am not upset about my decision to keep my career on hold. I feel relieved. I have constantly wondered if I wanted to go back to work or not, and what it would be like. How would the babies do in child care, would I miss them, would I be able to handle working away from home physically and emotionally, etc. I have all of those answers now. I don’t feel comfortable with them in full-time child care. I would feel a bit overwhelmed working full-time and commuting 45 minutes each way, and I would definitely miss our laid back days with friends.

Do I still feel the way I felt a couple of months ago: like I need something for myself? Yes, absolutely. I think this feeling is natural when women become wives, and especially mothers. So little of our time is focused on our own interests. There just aren’t enough hours in the day or enough energy left to do any of our own hobbies- except my favorite hobby of napping!! So we often feel drained and our minds wonder if the grass is greener on the other side.

I think for me personally, I am more comfortable at home right now. In a perfect world, I could find a part-time job that I love and still be able to enjoy enough time with the twins and their friends. But, it’s not a perfect world! In the meantime, I am signed up for some volunteering opportunities, and I will continue my grad school work. I may pick up some freelance writing that can be done from home, but my career in public relations will have to wait a bit longer.

The grass is not greener: My trial run as a working mom. #twins #SAHM #workingmoms

Have you ever struggled with the decision to go back to work or to stop working at stay at home? Please share your experiences in the comments.

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  1. says

    I commend you for choosing what is best for you and your family! I wish I could stay at home but it isn’t feasible for us. Sometimes I think about asking my boss about working part-time and it’s something I am really considering for next year. Kids grow up way too fast to miss so much!

    • says

      It’s been such a long and hard decision that I have truly struggled with. But through pray and trying out a full-time job, I’ve finally come to terms with what is best. I hope you are able to work out a part-time solution with your job! Very best wishes for you and your family!

  2. says

    Hugs, mama! Being “just” a SAHM isn’t really financially possible for us right now, so I love being able to work at home with my babies. I tried to stay on part time at the library where I worked for four years and only lasted about five or six months after Lincoln was born – I just couldn’t do it. Glad you are figuring out what’s best for you! :)

    • says

      It’s so hard to work outside the home! I have taken on some at-home projects, and that is better, but still exhausting! You are a rockstar at keeping up with your blog and Etsy business! Way to go! Please tell me all of your secrets 😉 <3

  3. says

    I am so happy you finally found the answer to your question. I think you made a great decision that you are comfortable with and I am soo proud of you!

    Going back to work or starting to work after raising children is, I believe, one of the toughest choices mothers make. After spending day in and day out, 24/7, with your little ones makes it all the more tougher to let go and move into the work world. I commend those that have a choice and I commend those that didn’t have a choice.

    I fall into both categories … haha I did not work while raising three of my children. Once my fourth child was born, it became apparent I needed to pursue a career to make sure you all had a better future. My baby was 5 months old when I started college. It was one of the hardest decisions for me at the time. I was there for you, Justin, and Katrena until you started school.

    I struggled with missing out on firsts with Christopher. I struggled with longing and sadness from being apart. But, eventually we worked it out and it got “easier” …
    It was a crazy time. I attended college full-time, worked three part-time jobs, volunteered for a few activities, worked with an internship .. phew! But, we worked together and found some of our greatest times together. Christopher insisted I sit with him and rock him for an hour after I returned home. Then, while I was cooking dinner we would all sit at the table and do homework together. After dinner, we would sit together on the sofa and either talk or watch TV. While it was so hard to juggle everything, I feel we created a strong bond. I was fortunate in that aspect.
    Also, I regularized that even though I missed out on some of Christopher’s firsts, I decided that when I saw them, they were firsts to me. That logic helped me out so much.

    I look back now after 22 years and when I look at you, Katrena and Christopher, I feel I did what was needed at the time. Was it a hard decision? Absolutely. But, I choose to look at the big picture and realize I made a good choice for us at that time and into the future.

    I love you, Steffany and I am sooo proud of you and my little punkins. You too, Derrick ha
    Yall have beautiful, smart, loving, children and that is due to your parenting. You have made the best decision based on your children’s needs and your needs. That is true motherhood.

    Lovies and Huggies

  4. says

    I wish I could stay home with my two little ones. Being a working can be so difficult sometimes and I only work part time. I’m trying my best to find a balance even while working part time. Us mamas work so hard in and out of the home.